that for the first time in almost 4 years I’ve been completely 100% sober for more than a month now. The last time I consumed marijuana was last year. The last time I had a sip of alcohol was January. I’m proud of myself I guess, it feels good. It just sucks that I can’t drink until September because of this medication. That means no getting drunk on my graduation. But oh well, I’ll get off of it just in time for my birthday so I can get turnt then! Who knows where I’ll be in September.
Please unfollow me if you hate my rants because I like ranting and I do that here in Tumblr because I have nowhere else to do it.
So there’s this person in my Spanish for Health Care Professions class that I’ve been after for a couple of months now. I mean, from experience I have zero expectations when it comes to these kind of things. This person is exactly what I like: tall, smart, attractive, speaks spanish, and just totally amazing. However, I was curious about their sexuality because I felt that I was barking up the wrong tree even after feeling some chemistry. Nonetheless, I’ve gotten confirmation of said person’s non hetero normative desires from a mutual friend, thus the past couple of weeks I’ve been extra friendly.
What I mean by being extra friendly is I always walk with him after class to 21st st even though my next class is in the same building (Mezes) as Spanish for Health Care Professions. Es decir, I’m literally walking in circles from Mezes, to 21st st, and back to Mezes just to talk to this person. Lame, I know, but that’s what you do when you have a crush.
I dunno, when someone has a crush they usually show interest, and I have been showing it but I dunno about him. I ran into him at a party last weekend and we talked for a bit. We then separated. He was one side of the pearl street co-op pool, and I was on the other one. I caught him making glances at me, and I guess he saw the same. On Tuesday as we were leaving class, I opened the door for some ladies and he stood out the hallway waiting for me. I usually sit next to him but today I showed up late because my lip was bleeding and I needed to get it taken care of. I was on the far side of the room, and we made momentary eye contact, it was weird. Then class ended and he said bye to me, but I decided to leave at the same time because it was already 1:50 and my next class was at 2.
That’s when the humiliation happened. We were walking down the 6pack to 21st st, my entire focus was on him the whole time. I wasn’t even aware of my surroundings, when Amador, my professor in the next class, passed by and said, “You’re going the wrong way.” So basically, this person figured out today that I’ve been walking with him in the wrong direction this whole time just to talk to him. I mean why would anybody walk in the wrong direction to their next class? So yah, awkward, we said our goodbyes and I’ll see him next week.
Then I came to my next class which I have with Jeremy. God, why do I have to get dumped by the cutest, sweetest person I’ve met. He’s so nice to me. He texts me to see if I’m alright if I don’t make it to class, he asks me if I’m feeling better, and he even buys me a cupcake when I forget my wallet. UGH, I guess I’ll always have a soft spot for him but he doesn’t feel the same. Whatever, c’est la vie. You can’t always get what you want. Today as I was leaving class, he said, “¡Roberto!” He wanted to walk with me after class I suppose. I feel we are on the friends basis so I’m telling him more about what’s going in my life including what happened today which he chuckled. He hasn’t really opened up to me about his romantic life but at the same time I don’t want to hear because I’ll probably be jealous. Whatevs, I’m not going to be one of his fangirls who are obsessed with him. I have more important things to do and I’m not going to waste my time.
Other than that, my romantic life is ehh. Things blew up quick with the Italian. I’m keeping it casual with Jonathan at the moment. I like him but I don’t feel a lot of passion, maybe because he’s the type of guy I’m not looking for right now. I feel like he likes me a lot which is bad cause I don’t want to hurt anyone. Though at the same time I already DTR’ed and told him for us to go slow and to see other people, so if he gets attached that’s on him. I can’t just rush things, especially since I’m so close to graduation. If things are meant to be, it’ll happen. I’m just going to focus on me and doing well these last few months.
Speaking on graduation, time is literally flying and I’ve come to a sad sad sad truth about my time in college. I’m a little disappointed honestly, not because it wasn’t personally fulfilling because it most undoubtedly was. I just thought that by now I would’ve had a substantial relationship with someone, but here I am about to graduate… and it hasn’t happen. I guess that’s a byproduct of being a late bloomer, but depressing nonetheless.
Entro a la clase siempre antes de ti y me quedo esperandote. Cuando entras, algo manifiesta en mi cuerpo y estoy sin palabras. Traté a empezar una conversación. Hoy dije, “¿Listo?”. Honestamente, no sabía que decir, pero traté. Me dijeste, “No sé, quedé viendo VHS ayer.” Aunque no he visto VHS, con mi conocimiento profundo del cine sabía lo que estabas hablando y te dije, ” ¿La película?” Después del examen empezaron las presentaciones. Se debía pagar atencion a la pantalla, pero mis ojos solo estaba enfocados en ti. Te miré y sentí que tu presencia pulsaba con una intensidad que nunca he experimentado.
Es difícil a estar deprimido cuando vives en una ciudad de tan belleza, de tan riqueza y de tan energía como Austin Texas.
“I don’t work out to lose weight, I work out so that I can eat chocolate all the time.”
– random girl on the drag
I discovered my sexuality to this song more than a decade ago. I remember watching MTV in my sister’s room, and this video played. I commenced to dance wildly on her bed, jumping like a total gay boy lololol. My mom walked in and saw me, then came the awkwardness.