So I haven’t wrote in awhile, being as I’ve been an exceptional wreck for some time. My grades have suffered, my mental health has suffered, and my physical health has suffered. Grade wise linguistics is destroying me but I have a few easy upcoming assignments that should bring up my grade dramatically. My other classes are going ok but if I don’t do well these next few weeks, those As can easily fly out the window easily. My mental health has been a wreck, well because of him — more on that later. Lastly, my physical health has sucked recently because of allergies. I seem to have a horrific reaction to the cedar trees here :(. I know it’s that because I went to Houston for a quick weekend trip and I felt 100x better. I’m looking forward to spending some extensive time there very soon.
Moving on to my mental health and him. Well I saw him for the first time today at the protest since we broke up. I guess it hurt, but at the same time it was a bit of closure. It’s funny cause he was a few rows behind my other ex, Oscar. I actually talked to Oscar today and we had a legitimate, albeit short conversation. So that closure, yeah I can’t lie and say I’m over him 100% since I still feel something for him, but seeing him in person today and his subsequent lack of action made me finally close the book.
The fact that he didn’t even have the balls to come up to me and apologize makes me realize he wasn’t worth it to begin with. At least when I broke up with Oscar, I had the decency to make lunch plans with him immediately after because that was the right thing to do, but the fact that Jeremy led me on an emotional roller coaster with nothing but a text to provide closure only proves that he is NOT worth all the hurt. I’m not going to sit here and talk shit about him because I’m past all the middle school drama, I’ll just say this: I was hurt exceptionally, that hurt lasted for some time now, it caused me to become extremely insecure about myself, but now I’m moving on.
Lesson number 9 from 20 Life Lessons From 20 Twentysomethings on gawker.
"People will just disappear. One day they will like you and won’t be able to get enough of you and the next they will just be gone and you’ll never hear from them again. It won’t matter if you tell them you miss them or if you say you’re sorry for something- they won’t come back and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it except get over it.”
So I have a class with him next semester (don’t ask me how I know), which is going to suck but all I can do is make my peace with him and be the adult for the sake of my graduation. I’ll sit at the front row, say hello, and avoid interaction. If a friendship develops then so be it, but I’m going to continue to put myself out there and hopefully find someone who will accept me for me, flaws and all, because that’s all I can really only do.